pretty dark

by flowerbomb

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1.
philly 06:18
I sent you songs that made me think of you songs with your name misplaced an ‘e’ for an ‘a’ I never got to see you bare bones I thought that we would take it slow "how was therapy?" you would ask me in the back seat headed to Philly you were so pretty you like my songs so I wrote you seven for the week that you were writing songs for nobody I never got to show you my past fucked it all up when we moved too fast "how was therapy?" you would ask me in the back seat headed to Philly you were so pretty you were so pretty and you fell asleep you were so happy or did you lie through your teeth? I was so happy leaking through my bedroom eyes I want you every night
2.
sorry 04:43
can I really chalk it up to bad luck? my home betrayed me and I've seen too much can I really go through my days like this? I wanna crawl out of my skin the only thing that feels worse than having faith in nobody is this sinking feeling that it's all because of me can I really chalk it up to my blood? I’ve seen the patterns and they call my bluff can I really go through my years alone? the trauma’s all I’ve ever known the only thing that feels worse than having faith in nobody is this sinking feeling that it’s all because of me life is so boring when I know every day is gonna be like this think I need some drugs first I need some friends think I'll drink to forget will I ever feel comfortable again? can I really chalk it up to my brain? they say I'm depressed but really I'm deranged some days I want to suffer no I want to be better than her she looks good like me but she can't hurt like me she looks good like me but she can't fuck like me think I need some time to bury through my mind think I'll ache ‘til I die when my body just doesn't suit me right and if I had a son I’d resent him for his power over me and if I had a daughter I would hide her so she wouldn't have to be…
3.
comma 04:57
think i'll wear it on my sleeve or underneath my sheets I don't ever wanna be the men who touched me laugh to myself in my car seeing shadows in the dark feelings condomless and forced it was good but was coerced it was good but was coerced we went to the corner store 17 and 24 I bought protection for your drawer my memory’s a train wreck but my body is a canvas and a map for my demons and my bad habits he moved in me, they all moved in me like a comma on a page now i'm older than my age think i'll wear it like a cross I am deviant and smart I am patiently naive feel their pattern then they leave cry to myself in my sleep it was all just a bad dream push my finger though my palm repeat it daily like the hook of your favorite song that you've grown to hate darling please make it good make it hurt like i knew you would
4.
I am no longer in human form I go where you place me I make pretty patterns in the flesh of a body I've disowned I don't want to leave my bed I don't want to see my friends I love you, I want to throw up I love you but it's not enough You can no longer push past the layers no you can't reach me now you are curious everybody wants to say they've been here but no one wants to stay for long I'm a haunted house I don't want to leave my bed I don't want to see my friends I love you, I want to collapse you love me but just not like that I am not a strong woman I will write you a million songs ‘til you take me back and you'll be looking down at me from your pedestal where I put you at I'm weak, I cannot eat and "it's not you, it's me" I'll be your dog, I'll be your sleigh I'll be your bride, I'll be your babe I'll be anything that you want except okay I'll be anything but okay if you could just kiss me or just sleep next to me if you could just kiss me I want you so bad that it's killing me I am no longer in human form I go where you place me
5.
sorry
6.
boys 04:51
I will accept the things I'll never comprehend I find myself sleeping in someone else's bed I will not listen to the fables of a liar I won't wait up for any boy to change his mind most days I don't see a point flesh it out to blood and boys who fucked with my head there are some things that my body can't unlearn that's why I'm weird about sex I can't see my self worth I see the way that men look at me on the street they don't want my crying at 3 am they want my body most days I don't see a point flesh it out to blood and boys who fucked with my head most days I feel like I'm cursed when it seems like it can't get worse I feel lower than I deserve I wish I didn't have to look the way I do I scream into an endless void I break in two most days I don't see a point flesh it out to blood and boys who fucked with my head most days I feel like I'm cursed when it seems like it can't get worse I feel lower than I deserve every person that I see exists solely to destroy me I just want to feel pretty
7.
glass 06:25
my head cannot commit on ways I’m trying to live or trying to die my bones start to split when I become the daughter they’re trying to hide oh and these days I don’t see straight oh and these days I don't feel the same it doesn’t matter what I want it doesn't matter what I need the feeling’s always incomplete my blood cannot commit oh am I going to be another lost cause? my chest starts to sink when I become the one thing I’m most afraid of oh and these days I don’t see straight these days I don't feel the same I eat glass in my sleep I get rough in the sheets you make all my bad dreams feel so empty my heart always commits and all the doctors tell me my symptoms are feigned my bones start to split when I become the daughter that’s easy to break oh and these days
8.
he won’t understand what it's like to want to degrade yourself to someone who was once inside of you and took everything or to see the way somebody looks at you and know that they can't possibly view you as anything short of an animal cut to the chase cut out the smooth skin only to remind myself that I am still less than you even if you fall back in love with me you know it's true
9.
II 04:19
driving on empty, I suppose that people who have their shit together don't I don’t think i'm getting better I remember the week my father dropped me off at the hospital I don't like boys I just fall in love with them when the trauma feels like home I guess i'm better now than I was a month ago better only means so much when you can't get out of bed proving I could hurt myself better than them they laugh and say I'm pretty dark but wouldn't you be if you needed it for your art?

credits

released December 18, 2020

WRITING AND PERFORMANCE FLOWERBOMB (DAN ABH, NAT BROWN, RACHEL KLINE, and CHARLES SCHEIDER) LYRICS RACHEL KLINE PRODUCTION DAN ABH and MARK REITER MIXING MARK REITER ENGINEERING DAN ABH and MARK REITER MASTERING MIKE MONSEUR RECORDING BIAS STUDIOS, DAN’S BASEMENT, and THE LAB SOUND STUDIO LOCATION ALEXANDRIA, VA ART DIRECTION EUNBI HINA

THANX MARK REITER and BIAS STUDIOS, MUTINEER RECORDS, CONVERGENCE, THE LAB SOUND STUDIO, EUNBI HINA, THE KLINE FAMILY, LAUREN OWENS, DIANA BLAIS, MAMA BROWN, ALIS REICHEL, DISSONANCE, and EVERY PERSON WHO HAS SUPPORTED US, BELIEVED IN US, AND HELPED US GROW.

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flowerbomb Washington, D.C.

'pretty dark' is now available on Mutineer Records!

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